The Elf Did It, Again!

Parents spend many hours convening their kids that their closets are monster-free. Moms print off “Monster-B-Gone” labels to tape on to ordinary run-of-the-mill drugstore brand home air-freshener cans to sprits in the direction of the prospective specters. Dads stumble barefoot to the garage to find batteries for an old flashlight to convince their kids they are actually putting them in charge of a high-powered laser that will emulsify any lingering monsters.

The point I’m making here is that for roughly 11 months (excluding Halloween) we calm children’s fears by telling them that there are no such things as ghosts or elves, or those tiny rustlings and bumps in the night are just figments of an over active imagination. You feed the illusion that when those kiddos are tightly tucked in at night there won’t be anything romping through the house except the cat that won’t catch a mouse, but will run senselessly to catch the car headlights as they turn out of the neighborhood. When your think your monster busting lies are finally taking hold, and the house is at rest. December moves in and then the count to Christmas begins.

People do different things to prepare for the holiday. Some carol. Some hose their houses down with thousands of tiny twinkling lights.  Some have those calendars with the little doors that open to notch off the days until the 25th. To commemorate Christmas’ approach, others welcome the emergence of the Elf on the Shelf.

If you are unfamiliar, the Elf on the Shelf is just that. It’s an Elf that is supposed to stay on the shelf, but this little mischievous elfin creature wanders the house spying on unsuspecting children to report back to Santa. As the children sleep, the elf that was supposed to be on the shelf wreaks havoc in the name of Christmascheer and North Pole reconnaissance.  He or she pops up in the bathroom with a tube of toothpaste that he squirted all over the place. The next morning you find him or her on the bookshelf enjoying Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind. As you may be able to tell, these shenanigans continue until Santa squeezes his portly posterior down your flue.

To me, the Elf on the Shelf craze is a definitive case and point to counter-productive parenting. All those energies of convincing your kids that nothing tip-toes to terrorize them in the dark is wasted as you a release winter woodland creature into your home.

Essentially, you are feeding your children’s fears and undoing what you’ve spent the greatest majority of the year to do. Convince them that there are no creatures stirrings.

On the other hand, in the case my Elf is real, I’m going to stop writing right now because Santa knows I need a 14-day European cruise in a bad way. I don’t want to do anything that will jeopardize that.

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About Funny Southern Style

I'm Charlie! I'm a comic and writer from Tennessee. Check out my website for more...www.charliemccoin.com View all posts by Funny Southern Style

One response to “The Elf Did It, Again!

  • Debbie Kirby

    Love your take on the Elf on the Shelf!! I agree with you wholeheartedly! I also hope you get your cruise you are wishing for!

    Debbie

    On Wed, Dec 18, 2013 at 8:17 PM, WordPress.com wrote:

    > Funny Southern Style posted: ” Parents spend many hours convening > their kids that their closets are monster-free. Moms print off > Monster-B-Gone labels to tape on to ordinary run-of-the-mill drugstore > brand home air-freshener cans to sprits in the direction of the prospective > specter”

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